I had to give a 2 middle fingers on this day! For 2 years! 2 years ago today at about 445pm. I guess one of my favorite things to do in the hospital was flip people off, especially my friends. I have no memory of this haha. I guess I was pleasant and pretty funny though, but for some reason I liked to flip people off and smile. I was super respectful to the medical staff and always in a good mood. But something about that middle finger! My friend Kristin and Michele told me about this little quirk of mine, I just learned about it.
So here’s two fuck you’s to TBI and DAI for two years. Nothing can keep me down. Today changed my life, and that’s ok. I’m still smiling, happy and SO proud of myself. But here’s two middle fingers for this whole journey I didn’t ask for, for all the people who can’t handle the new me and have walked away and to anyone who thinks it’s just a brain injury, get over it. This is for you and this is for all the mountains we have climbed to be standing here today! 2 years. 2 months in the hospital. 2 brain bleeds. 2 years of hard fucking work and daily struggles.
I’m not grateful for what has happened, but I have found the purpose in it all. It has shaped my life very differently to send me on a more focused path in the brain injury world as a Health Educator, it has made me appreciate the little things so much more like being able to drive to do anything, I walk or take the bus, to be able to work full time, to be able to just live care free. To be able to be a mom, I cannot be the mom I once was at all, the purpose in all this is it has taught me how strong I am, how resilient I am, and who truly deserves my time and energy. It has taught me what truly matters, the things that once consumed me have no importance anymore. My son and husband are my #1. They have been there through this all and still are.
2 years later and my left arm and leg are still numb from stroke like symptoms thanks to my neck being ran over and a torn carotid artery, I still cannot drive, I still have zero energy, I have learned I can work about 1 four hour shift a week- about 6 hours with transportation, my lower lip is still numb from my jaw surgery, I still choke often when eating or drinking, I still have yet to figure out pacing and to not overdue myself often which results in a 1-3 week loss of doing anything! My smile is still a bit crooked, but it has gotten so much better and it’s not very noticeable now:) I still have short term memory loss, some long term memory loss and have major memory issues. But thank gosh for strategies that help me. Despite it all, we make it work. These are pretty amazing outcomes despite what the outcome could have been. The best part is I was doing what I absolutely loved, racing motocross. I knew the risk of riding motorcycles and racing, and I accept what happened and that I chose this risk. It’s life, life happened. But I’m here to talk about it, so I’m okay with it.